Inside My Head

Anyone who was a teenager when this song came out, will understand why I named my topic of the post the way I did when I am finished.  My last post was in 2017?!! WOW!!! Just. Wow.  If you aren't a part of my daily life, then some of this may be a shock to you, or you may not give a crap, either way I'm writing this. I NEED to. I don't write for others, I write for myself. It's one of my POSITIVE coping methods. I was with one of my patients the other day, and she likes to journal. I made the comment that I used to write, and write poetry. She asked why did I stop? I told her that I mainly write when I am upset, or when something is going on. Saying that made me think. I NEED to get back into the habit of writing. It's something I have always enjoyed doing. Seriously. I used to be really good at it. So, with THAT being said, In 2014, I became a CERTIFIED NURSING ASSISTANT. :) This is a job I absolutely love. It's just like any other job, you have great d

      Is my Daddy. Yes, I was able to get to know him, not by much though. He was a wonderful Daddy to me. I was his little girl. As sick as he was, he always made sure we did things together. It didn't matter what we were doing, we had fun together. He could make games out of anything! We would go pick up my mom from work, and we would take the car keys and play checkers with the floor tiles! Daddy was a War Vet. A WWII Vet to be exact. I wish I had more time than 7 years to know him. I would have loved to have been able to ask him questions about the War. To ask questions about what he did, what he saw and where he went. I know a little bit about it. Stories my mom would tell me, but it's not the same as talking to the person who actually lived it. If you are lucky enough to have a WWII vet in your life, talk to them. Ask them questions. Write them down. Better yet, record what they are saying. Once the person is gone, that's it. They are such a special generation

The kids and I were playing the other day, when my 3 year old said, "Mommy, you are broken." I don't remember what we were playing, but those words have stuck with me since then. I realized, he's right. For MONTHS, yes MONTHS I just stopped going to church. Just STOPPED. I didn't want to. My 7 year old daughter did, and every Sunday she would ask me if we were going, and I would say no. So, she just got to the point where she would stop asking. Granted, I did have tests to study for, and take. So why didn't I want to go to church? I still don't know exactly, but I just didn't WANT to. At. ALL. If I did end up going, it was only for Abbie. Not for me. I wanted to make her happy, and I knew how much going meant to her. It didn't mean anything to me, I was just THERE. I felt invisible. Here I am surrounded by a lot of people, and yet I felt like I was the only one there. I hate feeling like that. So, I am trying this agian. I am making an effort to ge

I had a dream last night that I just didn't want to wake up from. I was back in South Fla. I had just walked onto the beach. It was wonderful! I could actually feel the sand on my feet, and smell the ocean in the air. I looked up and saw the old water tower that had been painted aqua, and had the design of a beach ball on it. I then had to wake up. Oh I wanted to stay on the beach forever, it had been too long.

Today, we were at Walmart on Watson Blvd getting some odds and ends, and school supplies. An annoucement came on stating there was going to be a fashion show in the front of the store. Fine. No biggie. We continued on our way. We make our way around the store, and are headed up to the front. Actually, we were passing by the frozen foods. We hear music. Loud music. I listen, and within two beats of the song I know exactly what it is, and I was shocked! It was a song by Rhianna called S & M.  That in itself was bad enough. I look at Gary and told him I couldn't believe that they were playing that in a store, and it WASN'T the edited version either. I ask a store worker if they knew who picked that song out, and she said no..and pointed me to the manager. So, Joshua and I head on over there as Gary and Abbie are checking out. I asked him who picked that song out, as I didn't feel it was an appropriate song, and I don't want to worry about having to explain to my 6 y/o