Inside My Head

I don't like this time of year. It's not because of the weather change, it's more than welcome! I don't like this time of year because it's just another reminder that I no longer have MY mom. I have all these constant daily reminders that she is no longer here, and then there is Mother's Day to remind me. Again. Joshua and I were at the store today and I almost started to cry. Not once, but twice. I felt the tears form, and tried to make them go away. It worked. I saw this robe that I know she would have loved. It was light blue with butterflies. She loved blue and butterflies. I looked at Joshua and told him how much I missed her, and how she would have loved him so much. I know it's been a while, and I thought it would get easier. There are days where it seems as it has, and then there are days where I feel like I am starting all over again. Abbie has some memories of my mom, and I am hoping between us, we will make Joshua feel like he knew her, even thoug

That I keep to myself, and keep a small group of friends. I am so BEYOND grateful for them..whether they are near or far. These are the people that I can talk to about anything at anytime, and know that they will have my back. I know I can call them at 3am and w/o any question they are there. I want them to know how very grateful and appreciative of everything that they have done. I don't know how others see me, those that don't know me really well. I have tried to reach out to make new friends, and it doesn't always work. I think I will just keep my small group of really good friends. My mom used to tell me that if I could count how many good friends I have one one hand, I am blessed. I agree with her. I am very blessed.